But, it correlates quite a bit to the overall outcome being a negative one. This last one is something I didn't realize until after the whole experience was done and over. Your partner will act irrationally or unlike themselves. If they can't take 20 seconds to text you and tell you they won't be able to contact you that evening or cancel a date, they don't care and they don't deserve your loyalty and trust. This break is as much about you as it is for them and you need to be able to establish a sense of independence and reconsider your standards. Do not make excuses for this person if you're afraid standing up for yourself will push them away. When someone chooses consciously not to follow the rules mutually agreed on, this is another obvious red flag. This means he would tell me he would text, call or follow through with set plans to meet in person, only to ignore me and fail to tell me he was busy and wasn't going to be able to follow through.
When we established we would call each other before bed a couple nights of week (considering we were used to living together for roughly two years), he began to only communicate with me when it was absolutely convenient for him. They were then abandoned by the end of our relationship.
In my case, I attempted to establish set guidelines with my SO, only to have them be followed initially. It also promotes healthy communication that can be taken back into the relationship when the break is over. This is a crucial part in a successful break because if both parties follow the rules, it prevents feelings from getting hurt and misunderstandings. The healthiest way to go about a break with your significant other is to establish set rules that are to be followed by both parties to ensure both people feel connected to each other, while still providing distance in order to become more self-reliant again.Įxamples of rules that could be set during this time are questioning things like: Will we see other people? How often should we communicate in person or through social media? What goals do we want to reach during this time? Guidelines you established will be broken. If they continue to say things to you like, "You're the love of my life," "I promise this is temporary" or "I feel the same way about you that I've always felt" and then lie to you, there is something inconsistent and unreliable going on there. If they are not honest with you during this crucial time (in which communication should be most productive), then who is to say they didn't lie to you initially about this period being temporary, or that this has nothing to do with you?īeing the victim of lying during this time can make you feel pathetic and like you're not a priority. This is a major sign something sketchy is going on, and this person is simply stringing you along. Under no circumstances should you accept someone lying to you just to appease them or keep them around. This should have been an immediate red flag to me, but as I began to succumb to wishful thinking, his excuses for why he made the accounts made sense to me at the time. He told me he deleted his social media accounts because they were "making him depressed," but he then made new profiles on each outlet, blocked me on them and began actively using them. Lo and behold, I began to notice his words and his actions didn't necessarily match up in the already confusing situation. I had multiple experiences with this when my partner of two years decided he wanted to take a break to "find himself" and work out his own issues at the time. This is the number one way to tell if your partner genuinely wants to end it with you, but they are just being too much of a shady douchebag to honestly do it. Here are the reasons why: 1. A "break" is a lie. In other words, it probably won't work out. Instead, I am here to tell you that oftentimes, you will be a victim of the rule, not the exception. I am not here to talk to you today about those rare cases.
Now, in the few cases in which the person initiating the break really does just want to reconsider and re-evaluate themselves for a couple of months or weeks (and there is a mutual understanding regarding rules and distance), it can prove beneficial to both parties. It can also ultimately save your relationship with the person. If you are on the receiving end of this shitty arrangement, one of the first thoughts that will come to your mind is that this break is just a way for your partner to not deal with the inevitable breakup they truly want. We will all experience this at least once in our strategic endeavors to find "the one." Whether it is caused from frequent arguments, jealousy or one-sided feeling, "taking a break" is something we are all confronted with at one point or another.
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